Shavu-what?

The holiday many have never heard of is getting a lot of play this year! Shavuot is this week — a harvest holiday originally, early rabbis tried to figure out a way to keep it relevant in the period of rabbinic Judaism. Many people will tell you that the holiday celebrates the anniversary of the giving of the Torah at Mt. Sinai. The truth is that rabbis overlaid that story onto a holiday that already existed (sort of like talking about the “miracle of oil” on the historical holiday of Hanukkah). The holiday changed once again when Kabbalists (Jewish mystics) came up with a tradition to honour the receiving of Torah by studying all night long. We call that the Tikkun Leil Shavuot. 
 
And here we are in a new age — the internet age. And the pandemic has made the need for adapting programs for the internet all too urgent. So there are many (many many) Tikkun Leil Shavuot programs online this year so you can get your learn on. Some of these are a few hours, some all night, some as long as two days! 
 
Oraynu already sponsors the one at the MNJCC. My program this year will be on intermarriage. I also submitted something for the “Torah rap battle” which you can get if you sign up for the at-home learning program (by the way, I am very ego-drivenly invested in having the best rap). That stuff is all here.
 
The Society for Humanistic Judaism is also hosting a program with rabbis/leaders from our movement! I can’t wait to hear from these smart people! And if you tune in to the kid story hour you’ll see a cameo from my kids: Register here .
 
Also check out programming from JewishLive (Facebook), At The Well (register for their online programs via their site), and many more. 
 
If every holiday takes new signifIcance each new age, our age of the internet (and this moment of Covid-19) means Shavuot is getting big this year. So let it. Let’s lean into the learning together, while apart. 

The Miles Nadal JCC comes up with the best visuals for stuff - the rap battles will be over YouTube and at-home learning materials will be sent out to those registered. Join the fun!

The Miles Nadal JCC comes up with the best visuals for stuff - the rap battles will be over YouTube and at-home learning materials will be sent out to those registered. Join the fun!

It’s hard. Do it anyway.

Do you ever notice that it's rare that we actually feel like doing things that we know are good for us? Some days I'm just itching to go for that run but more often than not I have to make myself do it, even though I know I'll feel great after! Same with cooking healthy meals.... ordering in is just so appealing after a long day. And same with study, with the discipline of playing an instrument or meditating, almost anything that actually adds meaning and depth to life is less preferable in any given moment to watching a movie with one's feet up.
 
Jewish practice is sort of like that too. Some people crave study and discussion about Torah and Talmud, following rules around eating or using devices on Shabbat, but most people, and especially  secular Jews, tend to bristle at the thought that someone else is telling them what to do. Most of us think we don't like rules.

But there is a lot of research that tells us that following rules actually makes us happier. If we spend all our time doing "whatever we want" (and whatever we want is usually watching trash and eating junk), we actually don't feel that great.
This month I'm working on finding a balance between the things I want to do (watch reality TV while texting with my girlfriends) and things I will want to have done (reading good literature and meditating regularly). We are in a stressful time and I think allowing for some indulging makes sense. But I don't want to slide into full Bacchanalian mode either. 
 
Are there Jewish things that you might not completely want to do but might, later on, wish you had done? Can you list a few right now and commit to getting started with one small step? 

I thought I would hate baking challah but forced myself to do it (thanks Chef Michelle, a congregant, for the yeast!) and it turns out I love it! I never particularly feel like studying Talmud but I like the intellectual engagement and insight into early rabbis when I do. If that's you then I invite you to download the recipe, or join a Talmud study group online, or buy that set of candlesticks, or order that book you've been wanting to read. 

This month, let's find the balance between what we want to do and what we want to have done. Sometimes it feels hard to get going but it's almost always worth it once we do. 

PS If you really want to make progress on some goals then it helps to have accountability. I always offer to be an accountabilibuddy for Secular Synagogue members, and you also get a whole team behind you to cheer you on! Every time someone says they want to do/achieve something, others jump on it. Torah/Talmud study! Mussar (character development)! Mitzvahs! Books to read! You get to do it with others and it makes it much more doable and fun. We are accepting new members just until Friday. Don’t miss out!

Join us! Click right here to learn more and sign up!


 

I made that challah! With my hands! By myself! I’ve never felt so accomplished!

I made that challah! With my hands! By myself! I’ve never felt so accomplished!

Unplug

It’s almost Mar 6-7 which is the Jewish organization Reboot’s “National Day of Unplugging.” You can download the pledge, access resource material, and even get some swag here:  https://www.nationaldayofunplugging.com/
 
The goal is to use Shabbat to remind ourselves that we can be the masters of our technology and not the other way around. Writer and filmmaker Tiffany Shlain wrote a book about how she did the day of unplugging once and now has a weekly screen-free Shabbat that, although she is pretty secular, she is religious about! https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/24-6/Tiffany-Shlain/9781982116866
 
I do this challenge every year and I really like it. One year I went to a yurt! Another year I was in the Caribbean! This year I will be at home and parenting alone. Will it be a challenge to avoid giving into the call of the Paw Patrol? It will. Will it be worth it? Almost certainly! 
 
A friend just read another book on cutting down the use of tech: https://www.calnewport.com/books/digital-minimalism/ and said it has changed her life. She started playing violin! She is taking Italian language lessons! She has read many, many books whereas before she felt she didn’t have time. And she said her anxiety has decreased substantially.
 
Do you run your tech or does your tech run you? What could you free up if you spent a little less time with your device? More time with people you care about? More projects? More fun? 

One of the Secular Synagogue members has been encouraging us all to get mindful about tech. He led a great workshop on it and out of that I created some rules for myself:
 
- No phones at the table, when I’m with friends, when I’m with my kids
- No screens the first or last 30 minutes of my day
- All app notifications off
- My phone is always set to silent
- No sleeping near my phone

Does it strike you as ironic or strange that my online community is spending a lot of time/energy thinking about going screen-free? Part of why I started Secular Synagogue is because I wanted my feed to be full of things that were actually inspiring and GOOD for me to see. I know social media can be the worst of the worst but it can also bring people together. The key is to take what you need and leave the rest. To be mindful and purposeful about usage. So, I say, use the screens for what you enjoy and then put them away. Especially on March 6-7.
 
I don’t always get it all perfect but I’ve been doing pretty well. How about you? What are your tech rules? And can you go a full 24 hours? Let me know! 
 

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Words matter

Because I’m a secular Jewish rabbi on the internet, a lot of people write to me with questions about what it all means, how one does/ is Jewish in a cultural way, and why. There are many answers but I often tell people that one of the main aspects of secular humanistic Judaism that draws people to our communities is that we say what we believe and we believe what we say. There are many folks who tell us that they would sit in traditional prayer services and be so turned off by “our father, our king” and “creator of the universe” type phrasing. They just didn’t believe the words and thought they had to say those words, or at least be in spaces where others say them, in order to express their Jewishness.

It is so affirming when we don’t have to pretend; when we come to a place where the words really do reflect what we believe. (For one such place — online — check out SecularSynagogue.com. We’d love to have you!

Some Jewish movements try to get around the problem of the words by translating the Hebrew creatively (Yahweh becomes “Goddess” or “divine spirit”). But the words being said in the Hebrew are unchanged. Some folks say they see those words as metaphor. Again, if that works for people then that’s fine. It doesn’t work for me. When people say that God “created the fruit of the vine” either “he” did or he didn’t. I don’t want to say it if I don’t think it’s true, especially because my expression of Judaism is my connection to my spiritual, deepest, most personal self. If I can’t be authentic about it then I really don’t see the point.

Lately I’ve been thinking about this whole “say what we believe and believe what we say” thing in other contexts. When people ask us how we are doing, we usually say “fine.” But are we fine? When others make comments that are hurtful, are we honest about it? Do we say what we mean in relationships? What about when we’re fighting with someone... do we ever say things we actually don’t mean because we are angry?

I want to apply the same integrity I have about what I’ll say Jewishly to what I’ll say in the rest of my life too. There are Jewish teachings about this... there’s a Jewish idea that what’s in the heart and what’s on the lips should go together. There’s the Jewish idea of wicked speech/tongue (lashon hara) which is hurtful speech or gossip. We are told in Judaism that words matter. And they do.

When you were a kid, if someone teased you, an adult might have said something like “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” I think we fail kids when we say that. Words do hurt. A lot. Sometimes much worse than physical hurts. We should be teaching kids to be very careful with their words. We should be teaching them about the integrity that comes with saying what they believe and ensuring their words aren’t meant to hurt others. These are Jewish teachings broadly, and are secular humanistic Jewish teachings especially. Let our words be a force for good.

Do you have this guide yet? It’s here for free! Happy holidays!

Do you have this guide yet? It’s here for free! Happy holidays!

How to avoid a lot of stupid bullshit this holiday season

I love the holidays! I really do! I realize the title of this blog post is a little Scroogey. So, for the record, I love the smell of latkes frying and pine trees in groves and homes. I love twinkling lights and menorah lights. I love all of it. But, let’s be real, there’s a lot of stupid bullshit this time of year. Some of the bullshit is out of our control. People will complain about the “war on Christmas.” Some member of the extended family will say something racist. Kids are going to be overtired and oversugared and behave like demons. There’s gonna be some bullshit. But some of the bullshit is under our control and we can do our very best to make our holiday bashes BS-free. So, here is your Secular Synagogue Guide to BS avoidance.

First, let’s separate BS into categories: people, places, and things. Some of these are inter-related but for the purposes of detecting and demolishing bullshit it’s helpful to create a sorting system.

People: Can you avoid the really harmful or toxic people? Does your awful Great Uncle really deserve the pity invite this year? If so, can you extend the pity invite along with some strict ground rules? Can you avoid the obligation-party filled with people you really don’t want to see and shmooze with? Maybe you can get “cough cough” oh so sick that day and then post a sad-looking selfie of you in PJs watching Netflix to prove how very “cough cough” sick you really are. Can you host or attend some events filled with people you really want to see? A “Friendsgiving” type of thing. Every year my friends get together for our very own Chrismukkah and it’s my fave. There’s family and there’s chosen family and you get to decide where you put your time and energy.

Places: Tied in with avoiding the people you don’t want to see is avoiding the places you really don’t want to go. Know where I definitely won’t be between now and February? A mall of any kind. Nope. Not going there. I am spending my money this holiday season supporting local businesses as much as possible (see below) and, when needed, doing some online shopping. I hate the crowds and panic of malls this time of year and I just don’t have to go there. Neither do you. I also don’t want to go to any of the following: photo sessions (Santa-related or otherwise), parades, or public large-scale events. Here’s where I do want to go: the good parties, outdoor skating rinks, my congregation’s events, and Mexico. This year I’m going to Mexico between Christmas and New Years (which is also most of Chanukah). Later, suckas! Just kidding. But you really do get to decide where you want to be.

Things: The very most holiday bullshit comes in the form of stuff. Oh, so much stuff. Y’all, we are drowning in stuff. I’m not talking about people in need here and, if that’s you, I hope you get a lot of great stuff this holiday season that really makes a difference for you. For many of us, though, we don’t really need more stuff. And, yet, this is a stuff-filled time of year. There are financial, ecological, and mental costs to this. Seriously, I think it’s bad for us mentally to feel too crowded by and too attached to things. So here are some ideas I’m using this year and also forever.

  • Upcycling: I’m attending swaps and getting used stuff when possible

  • Doing donations in lieu of presents. It feels so good to support agencies and causes I care about. Way better than more stuff!

  • Asking for experiences over things: art gallery/ museum memberships, tickets to concerts/ plays/ ballet/ opera, restaurant gift certificates, art/ cooking classes

  • Supporting local business. Local for me isn’t necessarily local for you but one local business close to my heart is Firefly Creative Writing, and they have monthly subscription packages by mail (anywhere in the world!) with writer prompts and writer self-care. A seriously great gift!

Speaking of subscriptions, I want to tell you the cutest gift-giving story ever. When I launched Secular Synagogue a woman (not Jewish, let’s call her C) got her partner (Jewish, let’s call him J) a membership as a gift. He loved it and knew that C would love it too! J knew that even though C isn’t Jewish, so much of what we talk about would resonate with her. So for Christmas he decided to get her a membership. But then, uh oh!, C got herself a membership. Hearing so much great stuff about the group, she wanted in herself. Christmas present ruined! So I happily refunded her membership, let J buy it as a present, and all was well in their Chrismukkah-loving house. The moral of the story? If you want to avoid bullshit people and places and things this season, you can join our community which is filled with the best people, which you connect to from the best place (your place), and which will not add one tiny bit of stuff to your house. I think a membership to a cool online Jewish community makes a completely amazing gift. Doors open Friday!

However you spend your holidays, I hope they are as bullshit-free as possible. Take good care of yourselves and take good care of your people. That’s the only thing that really matters this time of year!

Art  by my kid. The best gift ever!

Art by my kid. The best gift ever!

Happy Rosh Hashanah!

We are here! 5780! I hope you are feeling the themes of the holiday: rebirth and renewal. I hope you are also feeling a little bit of responsibility — to make your life better, to make the world better. This is just the beginning of the period known as the “Days of Awe.” I want you to think of them as the Days of Awesome! Say sorry. Forgive. Look inward — what can you let go of? Who do you want to be this year? Look outward — what can you do to contribute? How can you be a changemaker this year? 
 
Last week many folks from both Oraynu and SecularSynagogue.com came out to the march for climate justice! What an awe-inspiring day! We stood together with thousands and thousands of people around the world to demand a better world. 
 
It’s fitting for this time of year. We need a better world. Each new year is an opportunity to consider how we will make it so.
 
I am spending today in the forest, doing tashlich. Tashlich is the practice of casting away. People tend to think of it as throwing away your “sins,” and that’s fine. But I prefer to translate (and this is kosher) “sin” as “missing the mark.” Where did you miss the mark last year? Cast it away; let it go. And make sure this year we get a little closer to that mark. 
 
You can look up readings (I use Marge Piercy or Marcia Falk poems) and other things to say and do but the most important is to get outside (with friends/family if possible), take a walk, and talk the talk about what you want to let go of and bring forward into the new year. Then you throw your sticks and rocks and leaves (note: breadcrumbs are traditional but not so good ecologically). Watch them float away. Ahhh... Rebirth. Renewal. Responsibility. 
 
You got this. 
 
Can’t wait to be with you through this year as we take our intentions from today and the Days of Awesome and make them so. 
 
Have a happy, healthy, sweet, and beautiful year!
 
Till next week,
Denise

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Children in Concentration Camps

This past week there was some tension in the Jewish community over whether it is appropriate to call U.S. detention centers housing migrants “concentration camps.” There were also horrific news articles about how children are being denied basics like toothbrushes, made to sleep on cold floors, and must represent themselves in court. We are talking about little children - the youngest of which is four months old.

I am ashamed that some in the Jewish community seem more outraged by the use of a term they feel belongs uniquely to the Jewish experience, than about innocent children being taken from their parents and tortured in these ways. 

What is a concentration camp? It is a small area in which innocent people are held without due process based on their ethnicity or country of origin. We have to use this term to describe what is happening because there has been too much complacency so far. Let’s start calling things what they are. Concentration camps. Torture. There are going to be round ups of migrants. The repetition of history is happening as we are watching. 

I serve many community members who are not in the U.S. But do we as Jews not hold countries besides Germany and Poland accountable for allowing the Holocaust to happen? Do we not wish there had been an international effort to stop it? We need to be that effort. “Never again” is right now. 

Here’s what I have done and I encourage you to join me:

- I wrote to my MP, to MP Freeland (who handles foreign affairs and diplomacy), and our Prime Minister asking them to use any possible diplomatic channels to ask for this to end. At the very least, these migrants — children! — deserve basic care and legal representation. 

- I have financially supported RAICES, the ACLU, and the Southern Poverty Law Center — all doing good work on the ground.

- I posted about this issue on my professional and personal social media, sounding the alarm and saying that as a Jew I am deeply concerned about where concentration camps and round ups are heading. I want everyone to act.

- I sent a message to my rabbinic colleagues in the Humanistic Jewish movement saying that after our summer meetings in Chicago (already booked), I will no longer travel to the United States. No more vacations or work travel there until this ends. It is time to vote with our dollars and our feet. I will not spend one more dollar in that country while children are being tortured. 

It feels like it is not enough but it is a start. Who’s with me? If you can’t do all of these things, what can you do? Let’s show the world that when Jews say “Never Again” we mean for all people. 

Denise

The Wandering Jews

In the story of Exodus, after the Israelites fled Egypt they wandered in the desert for 40 years. I don’t understand this story to be true or literal but, imagine for a moment that it is, it’d be pretty hard to take that long to get from Egypt to Israel. I mean, they’re really not that far apart. The wandering is the point. The people had to figure out how to be a people. Had they arrived in the Promised Land quickly after escaping slavery, they wouldn’t have appreciated it and known how to be a functioning society within it.

You’ll often hear people say things like “it’s not the destination but the journey that counts.” That’s not usually how I live. I’m prone to rushing to get places. I have a tendency to be focused on the next thing and not the thing I’m currently experiencing. I am often pretty destination-focused.

Given that we are finally in a spring that took a long time to, well, spring, and that it’s good to get 10,000 steps a day, and that it’s hard to stay productive without breaks, I’ve been trying to go for more walks lately. Every May I do David Suzuki’s 30 x 30 challenge, getting outside for at least 30 minutes of every day for 30 days. The goal is to experience nature so that we’ll want to protect nature; to remind ourselves that are part of the eco-system. Many of my walks were to and from daycare/school for drop-off or pick-up, or to the store when we are out of bread. Places I had to get to anyway so I might as well walk. But some days, just recently, I started to just walk for the sake of walking. No destination in mind.

It really is different to wander around without a goal. It’s slower and more peaceful. One notices flowers and birdsong. One might even stop at a park bench to admire the sunset.

Jews are often called the wandering people because of our many histories of exile and placelessness. We are a dislocated people. Many Jews have often “wandered” from synagogue to synagogue, looking for an option that fits our values. In our community, we are lucky to be somewhat settled. Most of us are settled where we live, and are settled in a community that does fit with our personal ideologies and values. We have arrived, so to speak.

I propose for us a two-directional challenge: to be happy where we are and to wander aimlessly. There is room for both. Wherever you are, literally in this moment, what is there to appreciate? We all could benefit from a bit more mindful attention to where we are and what we’re doing. By the same token, give yourself permission to wander around without a destination. Enjoy the journey. See what there is to appreciate by moving from place to place without a goal in mind.

I have often said that until I found Secular Humanistic Judaism I was wandering and wondering what kind of Jew I’d be. Here’s the Jew I want to be: someone who is able to sit still, go for walks, be happy with where I am, continue my journey. And to do it in community with you.

Till next week,

Denise

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A couple of wild turkeys I spotted on a recent walk