I love the holidays! I really do! I realize the title of this blog post is a little Scroogey. So, for the record, I love the smell of latkes frying and pine trees in groves and homes. I love twinkling lights and menorah lights. I love all of it. But, let’s be real, there’s a lot of stupid bullshit this time of year. Some of the bullshit is out of our control. People will complain about the “war on Christmas.” Some member of the extended family will say something racist. Kids are going to be overtired and oversugared and behave like demons. There’s gonna be some bullshit. But some of the bullshit is under our control and we can do our very best to make our holiday bashes BS-free. So, here is your Secular Synagogue Guide to BS avoidance.
First, let’s separate BS into categories: people, places, and things. Some of these are inter-related but for the purposes of detecting and demolishing bullshit it’s helpful to create a sorting system.
People: Can you avoid the really harmful or toxic people? Does your awful Great Uncle really deserve the pity invite this year? If so, can you extend the pity invite along with some strict ground rules? Can you avoid the obligation-party filled with people you really don’t want to see and shmooze with? Maybe you can get “cough cough” oh so sick that day and then post a sad-looking selfie of you in PJs watching Netflix to prove how very “cough cough” sick you really are. Can you host or attend some events filled with people you really want to see? A “Friendsgiving” type of thing. Every year my friends get together for our very own Chrismukkah and it’s my fave. There’s family and there’s chosen family and you get to decide where you put your time and energy.
Places: Tied in with avoiding the people you don’t want to see is avoiding the places you really don’t want to go. Know where I definitely won’t be between now and February? A mall of any kind. Nope. Not going there. I am spending my money this holiday season supporting local businesses as much as possible (see below) and, when needed, doing some online shopping. I hate the crowds and panic of malls this time of year and I just don’t have to go there. Neither do you. I also don’t want to go to any of the following: photo sessions (Santa-related or otherwise), parades, or public large-scale events. Here’s where I do want to go: the good parties, outdoor skating rinks, my congregation’s events, and Mexico. This year I’m going to Mexico between Christmas and New Years (which is also most of Chanukah). Later, suckas! Just kidding. But you really do get to decide where you want to be.
Things: The very most holiday bullshit comes in the form of stuff. Oh, so much stuff. Y’all, we are drowning in stuff. I’m not talking about people in need here and, if that’s you, I hope you get a lot of great stuff this holiday season that really makes a difference for you. For many of us, though, we don’t really need more stuff. And, yet, this is a stuff-filled time of year. There are financial, ecological, and mental costs to this. Seriously, I think it’s bad for us mentally to feel too crowded by and too attached to things. So here are some ideas I’m using this year and also forever.
Upcycling: I’m attending swaps and getting used stuff when possible
Doing donations in lieu of presents. It feels so good to support agencies and causes I care about. Way better than more stuff!
Asking for experiences over things: art gallery/ museum memberships, tickets to concerts/ plays/ ballet/ opera, restaurant gift certificates, art/ cooking classes
Supporting local business. Local for me isn’t necessarily local for you but one local business close to my heart is Firefly Creative Writing, and they have monthly subscription packages by mail (anywhere in the world!) with writer prompts and writer self-care. A seriously great gift!
Speaking of subscriptions, I want to tell you the cutest gift-giving story ever. When I launched Secular Synagogue a woman (not Jewish, let’s call her C) got her partner (Jewish, let’s call him J) a membership as a gift. He loved it and knew that C would love it too! J knew that even though C isn’t Jewish, so much of what we talk about would resonate with her. So for Christmas he decided to get her a membership. But then, uh oh!, C got herself a membership. Hearing so much great stuff about the group, she wanted in herself. Christmas present ruined! So I happily refunded her membership, let J buy it as a present, and all was well in their Chrismukkah-loving house. The moral of the story? If you want to avoid bullshit people and places and things this season, you can join our community which is filled with the best people, which you connect to from the best place (your place), and which will not add one tiny bit of stuff to your house. I think a membership to a cool online Jewish community makes a completely amazing gift. Doors open Friday!
However you spend your holidays, I hope they are as bullshit-free as possible. Take good care of yourselves and take good care of your people. That’s the only thing that really matters this time of year!
